Kris Raphael on"Soul Urges."
Kris Raphael is the author of "Soul Urges," and
refers to himself as a 'reality worker'. He maintains that
his path of personal growth and spiritual evolution has taken
place in 'reality' ( in his day to day life) rather than in a
church, monastery or ashram separate from the world. He's a
businessman in corporate America, speaks fluent Japanese, and
enjoys computer graphics and hiking in the mountains.
Kris shares that he first began to realize the world wasn't
what it seemed when he went to Japan. "I had my first knock
on the head when I was 19 years old. I had gone to Japan to
study. The Japanese culture is very different and their worldview
is entirely different than ours. I came to realize that a lot of
they way we perceive reality is due to our conditioning from our
parents, culture and society." Kris returned to the U.S. to
finish college and returned to Japan to attend graduate school
after receiving a scholarship from the Japanese Ministry of
Education. While in Japan he studied cultural anthropology and
linguistics. Kris is married and has a daughter who's just
entering adolescence. He currently lives in Southern
California. To learn more about Kris, visit his
website, the Toltec Nagual
Tammie: 1991
appears to be a pivotal year year for you. Could you share a bit
with us about the particular "quakes" (events) which
led to your embarking on your present journey?
Kris: At the beginning of 1991
I had been married for 13 years, had a nice home, good job and a
6-year-old daughter. My then wife and I rarely argued or had
altercations. From the outside looking in everything looked
great. But from the inside looking out it was entirely different.
There was no intimacy with my wife. I cared about her but didn't
really love her. I was
deathly afraid of intimacy. I was a hider. I never showed anyone
what was really inside of me. My life was very compartmentalized.
I had my work friends who knew nothing about my personal friends,
many of who knew nothing about my wife and family and so on. I
was having extramarital affairs. My marriage was a pretty box
that looked nice on the outside but was empty inside.
Until 1991 I was very satisfied with the life I had created. But
then something started to happen. A voice inside of me started to
scream. I suddenly started to get in touch with what I now
consider to be my true self. It was writhing in pain and
loneliness. By the end of 1991 I had filed for divorce, quit my
job, moved, written letters to my friends and family 'confessing'
the empty life I had been leading. They didn't take it very well.
Shortly after that I collapsed into a near suicidal nervous
breakdown. It was the most hellish, painful experience of my
life. It lasted for almost a year and I really never fully found
my personal power again until about 6 years later.
Tammie: In your new book,
"Soul Urges," you describe a soul urge as that which
propels us to begin a spiritual path. It sounds like you
were experiencing your own soul urges. Can you talk more
about soul urges?
Cliff: Many reach a point in life
where they can no longer ignore deep desires that never go away.
I call these deep desires soul urges. They are our inner calling
to our destiny or purpose in life. If you have had, on a deep
level, strong desires that have lasted for more than 2 years,
chances are these are soul urges. They may go against everything
we have built our lives around to this point. Say, for example,
due to the urging of my parents I come to believe that I wanted
to be a lawyer. I study hard in law school. I join a reputable
firm and work my way up to be a top partner in the firm. I have
made it to where I thought I wanted to be. But something keeps
bothering me. I have an inner nagging for something else. I have
this desire to start cooking. I take some classes and love them.
I start cooking for my friends and family. I soon find that I
feel very fulfilled when cooking but begin to dread going to the
law firm. I thought I wanted to become a lawyer but now I am
finding that it really isn't what I want to do. Maybe I just
thought I wanted to be a lawyer because that's what my parents
wanted me to be. And where does this deep desire to cook come
from? It doesn't from my parents or society. It comes from
something deep inside. I call this a soul urge.
Soul urges may seem to be 'spiritual', but more times than not
they do not seem to be. This is because we have many preconceived
notions about what is spiritual. Perhaps living a truly
fulfilling life to the fullest is what our soul wants.
Tammie: You also talk about the
"Toltec View" of the world. What is the Toltec view?
Kris: The Toltecs view the
world as a dream. From the time we are born we are taught to buy
into and believe the 'dream of the planet'. The dream of the
planet is what mass consciousness believes the world to be. We
learn to perceive the dream as being real. It isn't. Through a
lineage several thousand years old Toltecs have developed
techniques to shift our perception so that we 'see' the world as
a very different place. Doing these techniques we realize first
hand that the world is not as it seems or what we have believed
it to be. When I went to Japan I had some of this realization. I
realized that the Japanese perceive the world differently than we
do. Neither view is more correct than the other. According to the
Toltecs they are just variations of the dream of the planet.
Eventually we want to create our own dream, one of heaven, not
hell.
Tammie: You mention that one
opportunity leads to another, how has that manifested in your own
life?
Kris: I noticed this from the
time I was very young. Sometimes I would be afraid to try
something new, or make a change. But whenever I did, many new
possibilities opened up to me that I didn't even know existed.
For example after graduating from college I didn't know what I
wanted to do. I had a friend who worked for the Japanese
Consulate in Portland Oregon. He mentioned a scholarship
program that the Japanese government was offering. He said
that in order to apply I had to take a test at the Consulate. I
didn't know much about Japan and wasn't sure I wanted to find
out. I really didn't want to take a test I knew nothing about.
But for some reason I decided to do it and it changed my life
forever.
I call these windows of probabilities. At anytime in our lives
there are windows of probabilities that are opening and closing.
We may choose to step through a window or not. When we step
through a window we enter a whole new world of probabilities that
were impossible for us to see before we walked through the
window.
But there is another important factor here. Windows of
probabilities come in accordance to our level of personal growth.
Sometimes a large window of probability may present itself but we
are not 'ready' to go through it.
Tammie: I'm wondering how
often pain opens a window of possibility, and what lessons
your own pain has taught you.
Kris: Speaking in general, pain is
an indication that something is wrong. When I started to feel
that awful pain in 1991 it was screaming at me that something was
wrong with the way I was living life. I then went through several
years of excruciating pain processing through all of the wrong
ways I had lived my life to that point. And then I had the work
of rebuilding it, which was very painful at first because I had
lost all sense of self worth and personal power. It was if I had
spent many years building a mansion only to realize that I built
it on a shaky foundation. I had to tear it all down and start to
rebuild it all over again, but this time on a firm foundation.
Tammie: What would you define your
life's purpose to be?
Kris: Simply I am a reality worker.
I work in the dream of the planet, that which most people
consider to be reality. For many years I didn't want to be a
reality worker. I didn't want to be in the dream of the planet. I
hated it. I have come to realize though that in order for me to
show people that there is a way out, that it is possible for them
to create their own dream of heaven, I must live in the dream of
hell where most people are at. From there I can show them and
help create the path out."
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